Judas's Wonderful Kiss

«For me, «Hotel California» was the most sensual song written in the last thirty years. For him, it was a group’s bad attempt to convey satanic messages to unsuspecting listeners through an enticing melody. Before falling asleep, I’d visualize events that intensely affected me. He, on the other hand, would be snoring within seconds. On excursions, I’d collect large stones and paint them with bright colors. He would use them as door stoppers whenever there was a draft. On Valentine’s Day, I’d flirt with chocolate in store windows. He’d prefer getting his cholesterol from two kilos of lamb chops. Our relationship was characterized by antitheses from the beginning. I fell in love with him at first sight but he didn’t look at me twice. On our next encounter I got lucky though. We started dating; to be exact «we started going steady». I was a firm believer in «safe-sex». He was revolted by the sight of condoms. For him, it was like eating chocolate with the wrapper. I got pregnant at eighteen. He, at twenty-three, was really startled. I decided to keep the baby. Of course, he didn’t agree with that. His parents made him change his mind after finding out about my inheritance. We were bonded by holy matrimony seventeen years ago. For me, the bond was truly holy. For him, it felt just like a real bond. Every time we argued, he would say «I should have had it chopped off». Some wishes never come true...»